No one's gonna visit my blog so, all the crap can all come out now ~

 Here it goes .

You don't have to bang everything back onto the shelf to show that you're angry. I drank the medicine. I didn't have too much or too little sleep. I just merely forgotten how to draw the prescribed lines on the bottle. I didn't want to run away so quickly, it was because mummy everytime she only ask me to draw lines, not to help with the tablets. Even when she does, she tells me exactly what to do before hand and guide me along even though i've been helping out for so long. You didn't tell me what i am needed for or guide me. You just simply expected that i know everything, have super good memory, able to remember so many things that you said, this with this, and that , then this with that and that for this, and i should know how to do it like a pro.

I didn't know what to do after breakfast and all i wanted to do was to sleep for a short while more then start homework since i wasted yesterday. But in the middle of my morning sleep, you coughed so badly, i had to wake up to check on you. I was concerned. But then i got giddy when i stand up too fast, i always do and you never did anything to help.You scolded me for something i hadn't realise and something that i am not sure about. You started scolding me so badly and banging everything while making medicine for me, and poured all the past times out and scolded so badly. You even used vulgars, but for that, im used to it already. 

Friends used to not believe what i say about home, primary school friends, secondary , all. Because what you are doing to the family is unbelievable. They wouldn't believe i got dragged and carried up by the neck like an animal when i was 4. Getting caned when i was primary 1. Not getting money when i go out since primary 5. Now, i'm broke and the only people who really care is mummy and sis. You don't give a fuck. I'm always so terrified to be alone at home. Because i don't know when you will come home, and act up again.
 Your stare and glariiings just now just told me you wanted to bash me up. But right, you back everyone up when they irritate you or didnt even do a single fucking thing to harm or by accident did something so small, but angered you. You could have the power to just make everything so bigcase. It's a small matter, why take it to heart ? Why do you always blame something on us when its not our fault ? Whatever you do wrong, is our fault. Something we did extremely right and happy, is your credit. Whatthefuck is that logic ? 

Come to think of it, if i'd stop using the computer, you would have gone to those pages again. It's like so open. I snatch away, you wanna bash me up again.

I'm sorry i post this but i really can't take it anymore., any further. I had enough. I've always been strong, showed that i'm strong, even when im not, make time for others and not myself. Help cheer other people up. But what about myself ? No one cheers me up. Never, i can promise you, even if they did, it's only a few. like twice or 3 times in my life ? For exams matters or something. Not personal stuffs. I can't stay so strong forever. I'm not made of steel, no feelings, hard and stable. Nowadays, i don't know what had gotten into me that i always feel so lonely and down. Simply put it this way, I'm no longer strong and is about to collapse anywhere. I just cried.