Overwhelming week.

Just told my dad, ' im retaking my O lvl chinese'. He started saying that :
- i dont repect chinese
- i look down on chinese
-im born a chinese but want to be another race.
-he had already noticed all of the above before i took exams
-he already knew i wasnt going to do well
- he did his best to help me
-practically, im a disgrace.
-a lot more which i didnt hear because i closed the toilet door and on the water so i wouldnt hear him.

if i continued listening, i would have burst. burst, as in, talk back to him and say all the bad stuff sarcastic-ly, which i didnt want to, so i closed the door.

didnt go to night study today as i wanted to come home and rest so i could start work at home, turns out, just because i said that im retaking, and he said it so heartlessly without even caring whether how i would feel. moreover, im sad enough. adding salt to my wound, seems to be my dad's favourite activity since he always does it. his words were so hurtful. perhaps, he dont know me well. (thats why im here, not studying)

I've always respected chinese language and love CL.
I've always admired those chinese philosophers and all those famous chinese people, who are in history books rn.
I've always been proud to be a chinese, had never thought of being another race, or even being korean.

If he already knew i wasnt going to do well, why didnt he stop all the nonsense he had with mum so i could study better ? that would be of so much help ! but it didnt happen.
IM NOT A DISGRACE. I know i worked hard for my Chi Os so i didnt regret much, just that now that i know i could get a better grade if i put in more effort, i want to try for a second time.

Retaking Chi Os doesnt mean i failed it, it just means i want to do better.why did he have to say such hurtful things?
He's done it toooo overboard.
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Had been really busy the past few weeks trying to accomplish as much as i possibly could. Mrs Ang just keeps giving us worksheets and revision stuff, it's so much to do ! my friends and i feel that we've spent too much time on chemistry on a weekly average. and i agree. i've been trying to improve my chemistry so much now that i neglected other subjects. need to find time buy time. Mrs Ang pushinggg ussss a litttttle too far.
I need time for my Amath, emath, bio, SS and english, POA's fine to me.
juggle juggle juggle time.
i planned not to go to night study so often as everyday anymore. it's draining me out, squeezing all my last bit of brain juice. gonna come home to do work i guess. after nightstudy , i come home and im dead beat. soo.. im not gonna go as often already !
'\z-z/'

byeee.
O LEVEL IN 54DAYS.