Wow, guess whattttt.
I heard a piece of information from my friend.. and tadaaaa, all that heart aches( no longer ache now ) were for nothingggggg.

Love, seems so difficult and far away from my mundane life..
since the class outing, i've been really confused,then frustrated then annoyed, then sad and now lifeless. I get heartaches every now and then, it feels as if i've really fell for him. But he wouldnt talk to me or try out something. Friends says that he likes me, but doesnt have the courage to confess. i understand that that courage isn't easy to build up but, i'm waiting. i really am. i hope he does confess to me.
my heart aches so badly. and im so upset the whole of today and last night after hearing the news. No one understands, even my closest sister, but it isn't her fault for not understanding what i am going through.. because i myself don't know what the heck i want. i kind of know what i want now but it isn't coming true , so i really dont know what to do from now on. Just tell me ! I want to hear it from you, personally, not from others..

Im a changed person

Im a changed person, i really dont care what other's think about me.
Even if, you're my dad, my friends or teachers, i really dont care about your opinions on my personal self.
My beliefs and principles are as strong as err... .. .. you get it.
I respect chinese. you say i dont. OK.
I like my earring, i think i look nice with it. you guys said i dont suit the earring and should change it. OK, im not changing it. a beautiful earring given to me by my best friend, and it's uglyy? UGLY? HAHA OK i think, your eyes got chop stamp.
im working hard for studies, you dont see what im doing. say im wasting my time . OK
im rsting, because im tired of too much work. i'll continue ltr. say im slacking. OH YES IM SLACKING, then what ?! Obviously im not studying for that 5mins ?
your ear got water inside ah ?
HAH

Overwhelming week.

Just told my dad, ' im retaking my O lvl chinese'. He started saying that :
- i dont repect chinese
- i look down on chinese
-im born a chinese but want to be another race.
-he had already noticed all of the above before i took exams
-he already knew i wasnt going to do well
- he did his best to help me
-practically, im a disgrace.
-a lot more which i didnt hear because i closed the toilet door and on the water so i wouldnt hear him.

if i continued listening, i would have burst. burst, as in, talk back to him and say all the bad stuff sarcastic-ly, which i didnt want to, so i closed the door.

didnt go to night study today as i wanted to come home and rest so i could start work at home, turns out, just because i said that im retaking, and he said it so heartlessly without even caring whether how i would feel. moreover, im sad enough. adding salt to my wound, seems to be my dad's favourite activity since he always does it. his words were so hurtful. perhaps, he dont know me well. (thats why im here, not studying)

I've always respected chinese language and love CL.
I've always admired those chinese philosophers and all those famous chinese people, who are in history books rn.
I've always been proud to be a chinese, had never thought of being another race, or even being korean.

If he already knew i wasnt going to do well, why didnt he stop all the nonsense he had with mum so i could study better ? that would be of so much help ! but it didnt happen.
IM NOT A DISGRACE. I know i worked hard for my Chi Os so i didnt regret much, just that now that i know i could get a better grade if i put in more effort, i want to try for a second time.

Retaking Chi Os doesnt mean i failed it, it just means i want to do better.why did he have to say such hurtful things?
He's done it toooo overboard.
---
Had been really busy the past few weeks trying to accomplish as much as i possibly could. Mrs Ang just keeps giving us worksheets and revision stuff, it's so much to do ! my friends and i feel that we've spent too much time on chemistry on a weekly average. and i agree. i've been trying to improve my chemistry so much now that i neglected other subjects. need to find time buy time. Mrs Ang pushinggg ussss a litttttle too far.
I need time for my Amath, emath, bio, SS and english, POA's fine to me.
juggle juggle juggle time.
i planned not to go to night study so often as everyday anymore. it's draining me out, squeezing all my last bit of brain juice. gonna come home to do work i guess. after nightstudy , i come home and im dead beat. soo.. im not gonna go as often already !
'\z-z/'

byeee.
O LEVEL IN 54DAYS.

lacking behind, a lot.

So much to rant about, yet nothing's on my mind right now.

sing alongg

can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now.~  No idea why, but everytime you ask me to sing a song for you just because you want to listen to how my singing voice is like, i really dont mind doing it but im just too shy to sing . with my girls, im fine but not infront of, a guy. im really, really curious, why is it that you kept asking me to sing but since ive known you for like, almost a decade now, i dont mind and quite, i mean, quiteee , comfortable to sing but i shy, and scared kena judged hahaha. we'll see. how things goes. ~and i wonder if i ever crossed your mind.  its a quarter after one, im a little .. and i need you now~ -need you now

to the siao h2h bijs

HEYYY siakcy crazy bitches !!!! ^^ WATCHIN ME ? MOO HAHA HAHA HAHA. okaylameeeee i know how all your faces will look like. BUT OHWELL IM HOLDING MY PEE AND HUNGRYNESS AND WANNA BATHNESS IN JUST TO TYPE THIS HAHAHAA WELCOME BIJS. HEHE

Hide and seek [fail]

I don't know why but i do have a feeling you know who i am after i gave you the "vase" clue but you seem to be clueless about my existence, or perhaps just dont want to let me know that you already knew. But thats okay ! I dont mind that either. Hahaa, just that i'll have to on computer every single time i wanna check the chatbox. A little troublesome than texting but i guess that's still fineeee ^^
But seriously if you went to google translation of "vase" then i guess your chinese is really baddddddd badddddddddd !. Hmmph, by the way.. I really just do hope to become friends again and help you out cause you always seem to have so much hidden inside and have no one to pour out. Me too ! So youre not alone ! However i see you've got lotsa friends but you always seem to be on the phone. sighpieee, look around you dude !

Goodnight owls.

I need to help myself, and my family. II guess, i'll be finding Mrs Sherry soon. or call Touchline.

It's such a depressing thing for me to know in the morning, once i open my eyes, i see that the sky is bright, not dark. Indicates that it's passed 7am and i'm freaking late. Being late is such a annoyance to me now, than it used to be. I wouldn't even want to go to school when i know i'm late, but what else could i do, every lesson is precious to me now. I cant even afford to miss one lesson because in that 50mins, the teachers talks about  a lot of stuff, and i'll be missing them out if i don't attend class.

Cried so many times today in school, i mean, a lot a lot. 
When Ms Wong came over to me in the morning at parade square, kind of teared but sucked it in.
During Bio lesson pouring out to Yvette, and then Anna.
When I spoke to Ms Lim about the detention and extra lesson crash.
When I looked for Mr Shafie and got shouted at.
When Ms Wong spoke to me again.
When Ms Lim spoke to me thereafter.
Going back class from general office during lunch
In class.
Starting POA lesson
Mid of POA lesson, twice.
ending of POA lesson.
End of POA lesson when Ms Lim canceled the extra lesson which made me cry for nothing at alllllll.
Thinking about stressful syf and studies clash. 

I mean, look, dont even count how many times i teared or cried.
Afraid that the slight depression is gonna come back to haunt me. 
I dont want.
I want to change.
But no one's there to guide me.
So how ?


I cant even control whether my ears are gonna hear the alarms in the morning

No one

I really don't know who is willing to help me if my own parents dont want to support me.